Early Reflections

This is a short reflective piece I wrote at seventeen, after wearing the hijab for only three months. I named it:


Wearing The Hijab Changed My Life
By Beda, a happy Muslim girl

Community Connection

I did not grow up in a Muslim family. My father converted to Islam before I was born, and raised me as a Muslim when I came into this world. But everyone else in my life held different values, and a different lifestyle – half the time, when I was at my mother’s house, I was being taught a different approach to life. Even at school, I felt out of place. I didn’t fit in with my non-Muslim friends who often laughed at the concept of religion, and I didn’t fit in with the Muslims, who all seemed to know each other and know far more about Islam than I did. 

I didn’t ‘look Muslim’. I felt unqualified to speak about my faith, I felt afraid of judgement if I were to do so – from both sides. It almost seemed to me that I was faking being a Muslim, that I wasn’t quite Muslim enough. Of course these were only my own doubts and insecurities, but they kept me stuck in an inbetween place, ashamed and anxious about who I was and what I believed.

When I put on the hijab, officially, at the start of 2022, I essentially forced myself to express my Muslim identity to the world. Suddenly, Muslims from all over would smile at me, say salaam to me; classmates at school, strangers on the street… you name it. Visibly recognisable, I was immediately known as part of the community. I felt seen, I felt valued by other Muslims as a real Muslim for the first time. This sense of solidarity, of companionship, of connection, is one of the best feelings in the world. I always smile when I see a fellow Muslim; we hold a love for each other due to shared love for our Creator. Despite not having many Muslim family members or friends, I was connected to the community through this physical act of worship – the hijab.


Self Confidence

In the years before I wore the hijab, especially teen years, I was very insecure about how I looked. Going to school, I would stress about how others saw me, what they thought of me. Wearing the hijab has, in only a few months, almost entirely wiped away these concerns. Now people can’t see very much of me; I have a protective layer that prevents me from focusing on my looks, and others’ perceptions of my looks. The way I dress is still a way to express myself, but primarily I dress with God in mind, and this has helped me to stop dressing for the prying eyes of other people. 

When I’m at home, and my hair is flying free, I feel like a princess. I get to save the extent of my beauty for myself and those closest to me – who I know would never judge me. The hijab has spared me from judgements around the way I look, leading me to feel confident both in a headscarf and out of one. For the first time, I can look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful. 


A Reminder of My Submission and My Values

My faith is the most important thing in the world to me. Practising my love for God through prayer and other acts of worship, as well as implementing Islamic values in my decisions and my day to day life, makes me feel content and fulfilled within my heart. It is easy to be mindful of God in your own home, but less so when you are out and surrounded by other influences. My hijab keeps me grounded – it literally acts as a barrier, as the Arabic word hijab means – reminding me of what I stand for and Who I submit to. I bring my Muslim identity and values with me everywhere I go, showing others and myself who I am at my core. 


Proudly Muslim

My ‘imposter syndrome’ about being a Muslim was a pervasive problem throughout my life. Feeling out of place in both communities led me to keep my religious beliefs hidden; rarely discussing them, too scared of judgement to pray at school. Will my friends think I’m weird? Or, worse, will the Muslims think I’m weird? Even as my faith grew stronger and I gained knowledge of Islam, I felt insecure as a Muslim. Afraid. Outsider opinions held so much weight for me. 

But then I had to ask myself: why do I fear judgement for being a Muslim? For being me? It’s true, my childhood hasn’t exactly been conventional. But I am who I am – a Muslim. And being a Muslim means everything to me, it’s the greatest gift that I have. When I decided to put on the hijab, I knew it was time I let my faith rise to the surface; let it show itself, let it be freed from my suffocating doubts. With the hijab, I was visibly Muslim to everyone – no longer able to hide it, I had to learn to truly love it. 

And that is exactly what I did. My faith is the core part of my identity; it plays into every decision I make and every action I take. It is the centerpoint of my life. Nowadays, I can hardly stop talking about Islam; I am loud and proud about being a Muslim, and that is something I was able to become through wearing the hijab.